I am Jealous
by kittylitious
Summary: Merric's thoughts on Kel. One-shot. KM


Disclaimer: All Tamora Pierce's characters.

Sure, I'm jealous of her. But I admire her even more. She's like a goddess. In fact, to many people she is their goddess, their 'Protector'.

I thought that the first year of page training was hard for me. The training was tougher than I ever imagined, and without the study group I'm sure I would have failed the acedemic part. To top it all off I was bullied by Joren and his croonies.

Wouldn't you be mad if you had all that stuff going on, and a year-mate, who has to do all the stuff you I have to do, just comes up when your in the middle of being pushed around, I was looking really weak I might add, and, with courage I doubted I would ever have, starts fighting 3 older pages over _me_ being bullied?

Their were so many thoughts running through my head after I ran away from them. _Does she think I'm too weak and need her to protect me? Does she like getting beat up? She is courageous, smart, and pretty._ That last thought I practically had burned from my head. It wouldn't of been good for me to have a crush on 'The Girl'.

From then on I trained harder, trying my best to match her skills, if not pass them. When ever I would be paired up against her I would use all my force to show her I'm no weakling, and I can fight my own battles. She would level it, but without that much effort.

I was so intent on my fighting, that I was forgetting all my other work. One day my cousin, Faleron, brought me to a study group in Neal's room. Neal was sort of my friend then. We talked sometimes, although I tried to stay away when Kel was around.

She was in the group, so I didn't talk that much. My feelings toward her started to soften when she helped me with a math problem. But when she got up, said she was going to get some sir, and left, I was curious.

I wanted to know where Kel had went to. Seeing as no one else was confused by her leaving, I just continued my work. She had come back with a few bruises.

That had happened most nights until Neal confronted her. We joined in later saying we wanted to help her. From then on, we had formed a patrol for Joren and his croonies with Kel leading.

It had been from the patrols, that I grew to respect her. Before then, if anybody had insulted her in front of me I would of just snorted and carried on with what I was doing before, making no comment on the subject. After starting the patrol, an insult directed toward her I would take personally.

I would defend her, if not for her, for me. Kel was my friend , and just like all of her friends, I cared for her.

I was amazed when she led everyone to the spidrens. Even more amazed when she technically saved my life when the spidren tried to get me with it's web.

After that I thought I would get even. I would help Kel out in any way possible to make it fair. So I thought that the next page camping trip in Winter I would try.

But when it came around, I forgot. So much for trying to be helpful. I tried to make plans for helping her, but the only thing I came up with was the next page camping trip in Summer.

My plans were ruined. She ended up saving my life. Again. I thought she was perfect. Saving everybodies' lives, and never messing up. That was when I started to become jealous. I found out my jealousy never faded, and it never will. But I have had stronger emotions cover it up.

The first emotion was already mentioned before, respect. It grew brighter and stronger when we did the strategy war game as a page. I had no chance against her.

An even stronger emotion was the way I started to like her more than a friend. Seeing her after hearing that she saved her made from Balor's Needle, two words described her in my mind. Brave and beautiful.

I secretly liked her from then on. Even though I didn't see her that much I never stopped liking her. I decided not to tell her until _after_ Cleon had to leave her to marry for his fief.

I didn't think they would last to her knighthood. It made me mad at Cleon when I saw the lost look in Kel's eyes after he had called it off with her.

When I got the news of being under Kel's command for a refugee camp, the jealous grew a little. I ended up enjoying my post there a lot. I even liked the way Kel runned things.

But then Lord Wyldon made her leave to give reports. Maybe if she didn't have to leave, Haven would still be up and we wouldn't of had to go through Scanra to get the children back. It turned out it was worth it though.

I showed Kel my feelings when we were at New Hope one day. Actually, we were outside of New Hope fighting some bandits.

I saw an archer aim an arrow at Kel.I yelled her name, but she didn't her me. I galloped next to her, keeping an eye on the archer. I saw him release the arrow, so I did the first thing that came to mind. I tackled her out of the saddle.

I barely had missed the arrow. Kel had noticed that too because there was confucion written all over her face. I had leant down and gave her a kiss on the lips before I whispered, "Now we're even."

Kel and I were courting for 2 years as of that day. I proposed to her yesterday at New Hope, and she said yes.


End file.
